The Hissy Fits and Starts of a Struggling Disciple

In the South, we call a temper tantrum a hissy fit. It's not to the level of a conniption fit, but it's bad nonetheless. I had a good one last Sunday. Not my proudest moment. Before church, the wife and I swung by our store in an attempt to complete a seemingly quick project. This is out of the norm for us. The majority of the time we keep Sundays sacred. I was already feeling torqued because I didn't see much Sabbathing in my future that day. The failing project, improper tools, and the race against time

 tipped the scales on my self-control. I acted out. Metaphorically tossing the entire cornucopia of spiritual fruits into the air, I watched my love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control crash to the ground around me. I acted a fool for a minute. I said some things I shouldn't have said. It wasn't toward or at my wife, just my own personal hissy fit. Next stop...church. Yay. Definitely did not have a heart of worship walking in.

Fact: It's hard to stay angry when you're singing about the goodness of God. The anger soon subsided and the guilt took up residence instead. As soon as I got in the car, I apologized to my wife. Lunch was great, we finished the project after church (with the proper tools), ran an errand, and were on the way home. On the way, my mind started wandering to the coming week.

I was up to preach on the obedience of a disciple the next week. Again, the guilt. I confided in my wife about how I feel guilty about preaching sometimes. We don't always practice perfectly what we preach. She admonished me and said that nobody expects perfection. She said that if everyone who preached on Sunday morning had to be perfect, there would never be anyone to preach on Sunday mornings. There is some truth in that statement. God does extend grace to us when we stumble and fall. And thank God His grace is available in moments like I experienced last week. It’s God's grace that liberates me from the expectation that I have to be perfect in all things.

In the church, I think too many times we hear obedience but think perfection. God never called us to be perfect. He called us to be obedient. Our obedience is what keeps us continually in the pursuit of holiness. We are still called to be holy as God is holy. In our obedience to God’s commands, we image and glorify our Creator. Though we stumble and fall at times, one truth remains constant. When we accept the gift of salvation that Jesus offers to us through his death, burial, and resurrection, we become “positionally” perfect.

However, our imputed perfection doesn’t give us a license to sin and abuse God’s grace either. His grace extends forgiveness for our sinful actions, but it doesn’t excuse our actions. God still calls us to live in holiness, which we strive for through our obedience. Our obedience becomes genuine when it is rooted in true repentance. Jeremiah the prophet outlines the steps towards repentance in Lamentations. 

Lamentations 3:40

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord.

As I interpret this verse, reflection proceeds repentance. We examine our ways, (to include our occasional hissy-fits) and test them. Did I act like Jesus would have acted in that situation? My anger was certainly not righteous. Selfish, but not righteous. After reflection, confession. Lord, I confess my actions and my words were not becoming of one trying to image you in this world, forgive me. Finally, repentance. A turning away from our sin. A "return to the Lord" in the words of Jeremiah. 

Again, the goal is obedience, not perfection. Obedience itself is a process. Some of the steps include daily dying to self. Sustaining a Sabbath rhythm to living that makes space for examination and reflection. Releasing the guilt and shame. Repentance. Reengaging rather than succumbing to the spiritual battle between sin and our soul. Trusting in the power of the Spirit and taking every thought captive. And continually striving towards holiness amidst the seeming fits and starts of this process we call sanctification.