Three Things the Wisest Man Who Ever Lived Taught Us About Communication

The Bible tells us that Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived. We are told in I Kings 4:29, "God gave Solomon very great wisdom and understanding, and knowledge as vast as the sands of the seashore." At the end of I Kings chapter 4, we read that kings from every nation sent their ambassadors to listen to the wisdom of Solomon. Solomon must have been a fantastic listener and a great communicator. We know from the Scripture that he wrote 3000 proverbs. Thankfully, about 800 of those were included for us in the Biblical canon. It is important to understand that proverbs are not promises. Instead, they are practical pieces of wisdom and advice that apply to everyday life. In this instance, we are looking at just three proverbs below that if understood and applied will make us better communicators.

Sometimes It’s Best to Keep Your Mouth Shut

 Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (Prov.10:19, NLT)

Talking too much can get you in trouble. Sensible people, according to Solomon, learn to keep their mouth shut. A multitude of words presents countless opportunities to stick your foot in your mouth. Especially if you are unrestrained in giving your opinion on anything and everything you hear. It is only a matter of time before someone's feelings get hurt and a relationship is ruined. This is especially helpful to remember in highly charged situation’s such as arguments and confrontations. Sometimes it’s best to keep our mouth shut before we say something that we will regret. Contrary to popular belief in our triggered culture, you don't have to have an opinion on everything. It is okay just to sit with information you've been given and ponder it for a while. Not every question or query needs to elicit an immediate response.

Listen to Understand Before Responding or Giving Your Opinion

Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish. (Prov. 18:13, NLT)

I believe all people were born with the capacity to keep silent but some don't seem to be able to exercise their ability to do so. They cut people off in conversation and talk over people. Solomon says this type of behavior is "both shameful and foolish." I learned in sales years ago that you have two ears and one mouth so you should listen twice as much as you talk. As relational beings, it is not uncommon to share stories and experiences with one another. It is also not uncommon to seek advice from others with more wisdom and experience that you have. In these relational aspects of our lives, others show vulnerability by opening up to us about their thoughts and feelings. In respectfully listening to understand them, we build trust in the relationship. As a result, communication deepens and the relationship continues to grow.

Use Your Words to Heal and Not Destroy

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. (Prov. 16:24, NLT)

The book of James in the Bible (chapter 3), is full of warnings about the tongue. An improper use of our tongue in the way we shape our words towards others can bring immense harm to ourselves and others. Destroying relationships in our lives by driving people away leads to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Our words can ruin lives, friendships, and marriages, but there is also incredible healing power in our words when used properly.

Words like "I love you" and "I forgive you" can heal and restore relationships. Words like "I'm proud of you" and "I believe in you" can bolster courage and self-confidence in others. I have three boys and I have made a habit over the years of telling them often but especially during important moments in their lives, "I am proud of you," or "I am proud of the man you are becoming." Every time I speak those words over them, I see their chests fill with pride. Those are the kinds of words that bring confirmation and validation to young men. Another powerful phrase that will bring healing are the words, "I'm sorry" followed by specifics of what you are sorry for. There is already plenty of hurting in this world, use your words to bring healing instead.

Conclusion

Most of the problems in our society today could be resolved if two people with opposing views just sat down to talk about the issues and applied these principles during the conversation. Listen more than you talk. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Be kind with your words.