Three Ways Courage Can Make You a Better Father and Husband

It is not hard to find accounts of men in the Bible who lived courageously. Abraham was courageous when he laid his only son up on an altar as a sacrifice to God. We learn in Hebrews, that even if his son’s life was taken, Abraham believed God had the power to raise him from the dead. Noah showed courage when he embarked on building an ark when there had never been a drop of rain on the earth. While Noah was hammering away, the world stood by laughing at him. David had courage when he walked onto the field of battle and faced the giant Philistine as the entire Israelite army stood and trembled.

Later in life, David surrounded himself with a host of other courageous men. These guys were like the original Navy Seals…bad dudes all the way around. There was Jashobeam the Hacmonite who killed 800 enemy warriors in a single battle. Abishai used his spear to kill 300 enemy warriors in a single battle. Benaiah not only killed two champions of Moab but he chased a lion down into a pit and killed it and then later on wrenched the spear from a great Egyptian warrior's hand and killed him with his own spear. David’s men were courageous and absolutely fearless.

Peter had the courage to get out of the boat and walk on water. Stephen courageously preached the gospel to the Jews and was stoned to death for it. Paul commissioned the men in Corinth, "Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong" (I Cor. 16:13). Then there was Jesus himself who took the sin of all humanity on himself and courageously went to the cross and endured suffering on our behalf that we will never be able to comprehend. Courage is one of the hallmarks of biblical masculinity. And there are three areas of our lives where courage can help make us a better man. 

Courage helps you deal with your own wound

Pretty much every man in the world carries a wound in them. The wound is typically caused by our father or another prominent male figure in our lives. In our journey toward manhood, we have questions about our identity and our capabilities. We want to know if we have what it takes to be a real man. Only another man can answer that question for you. When that question goes unanswered or is answered in a negative way, it creates a wound in a man. My dad called me “boy” all the time. Not son, not Brian, “boy”… I hate that word. It left me always questioning. Was I loved as a son or always just seen as less than? Those questions haunt a man and they leave a wound. Wounds give way to all sorts of problems in a man’s life. Fear, anxiety, passivity, depression, apathy, and many other things work to destroy a man from the inside out. But here’s the good news…

 

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

Your earthly father may have created a spirit of fear in you. Maybe he was heavy-handed. Perhaps he was verbally abusive or possibly just completely passive in anything that mattered in your life and because of that you have a spirit of timidity in you. Chances are if you have a spirit of fear or timidity in you, you probably have times that you feel powerless. Chances are also high you struggle with feeling love or self-worth. And in an attempt to soothe and heal the father wound that was created in you, self-discipline went out the window and addictions walked in to attempt to soothe the pain. I get it. I’ve been there myself.

But your heavenly father has created something different in you. He brings healing to that wound. Your heavenly Father did not give you a spirit of fear. He gave you a spirit of courage. Courage is the opposite of fear. God has given you the power to overcome the fear, the self-doubt, the addictions, the passivity, and the pain. He loves you with a perfect love that many times was absent from our earthy fathers. He calls us to live a disciplined courageous life, taking ground for his Kingdom daily. The wound in your own life can either kill you or make you stronger but you have to decide which it does. You need to show up as your full self every day if you are going to lead well. You can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. 

Courage is needed to live out your convictions

I like Al Mohler's definition of a conviction. He says a conviction is “a belief of which we are thoroughly convinced.” Many men today are unsettled in their convictions. The foundation of their belief and ideology is laid on shifting sand and the winds of change too easily crumble it. Courageous men have a stiff spine and are unwavering in their convictions. Living by your convictions as a man means you draw a line in the sand and nothing crosses over that line without a fight. It's like driving a stake in the ground to mark a boundary. Your convictions are your stakes in the ground. They are the hills you will die on.

A great example of a man who lived by his convictions was Joshua in the Old Testament. In Numbers 14, Joshua along with Caleb and ten other spies went into the land of Canaan. Joshua and Caleb came back ready to conquer the land. However, the other 10 spies were against it. They did not have convictions about the promises of God. They did not have convictions about the power of God and they turned the whole nation of Israel against Joshua and Caleb. But Joshua along with Caleb stood on their convictions.

Numbers 14:8-9

8 And if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. 9 Do not rebel against the Lord, and don’t be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the Lord is with us! Don’t be afraid of them!”

You probably know the rest of the story. The 10 spies were struck down by God and the people were subjected to wandering the wilderness for 40 years. But not before they picked up stones to try to stone Joshua and Caleb to death. They held to their convictions. Joshua went on to survive the wilderness and took over for Moses as the one who would lead the nation into the promised land. Then at the end of his life, standing before all the tribes of Israel, he shows again his conviction and resolve to follow God. He tells the nation before his death…

Joshua 24:14-15

14 “So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. 15 But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.”

If you visit my dad’s grave in Hopkinsville Kentucky, you will find Joshua 24:15 on his tombstone. My dad did not always get it right in his life but he was committed to serving the Lord and making sure that his family was following Jesus. I hold some of the same deep convictions:

• I have a deeply held conviction that if we want strong churches, we have to have strong families
• I have a deeply held conviction that when men lead their families well, the entire family is healthier and happier for generations to come
• I am convicted that the only way you can look at the world around you and make it make sense is by looking at it through the lens of the Bible and having a biblical worldview

These are just a few of my deepest convictions but they have shaped the direction of my life, my leadership, and my actions. There are certain things you should have unwavering convictions about. We need courage as men to stand up and live our convictions. 

Courage helps you lead your family well

Make no mistake about it, leading your family well takes a ton of courage. It takes courage to stand up against the ideologies and cultures of this world and point your family to Jesus. You are going to have to be courageous and hold the line. There are going to be times when your kids are going to hate you because you won’t let them do what other kids do. It is a balancing act to bring your kids up with the discipline and instruction of the Lord and not provoke them to wrath at times. This is increasingly difficult between the ages of 15-18 when kids want their freedom but haven’t earned it yet.

You also need courage for times when the future is unclear. Maybe you’ve changed jobs, houses, churches, or moved to a different state. Your family is going to be looking to you to lend some perspective to it to ease their minds. You can’t be running around like chicken little every day acting like the sky is falling. You are going to have to courageously look them in the eye and paint a picture of the future for them that builds their confidence and eases their minds. There may also be times in your life when things happen of such magnitude your family will be nearly paralyzed with fear or confusion. Such as tragedies or accidents, that confound the mind. You will need to step in and lead even if you personally feel lost and confused.

I will never forget standing in the foyer of my mom and dad’s church before a set of double doors that were closed. On the other side were two caskets, my mom was in one, my dad in the other. My grandmother was on one arm, and I had three boys and my wife surrounding me. One of the hardest things I ever had to do was walk my grandmother and family up to those caskets along with my sister without completely losing it myself. That was a difficult season of my life and it took courage to walk through that season with my family while I was struggling myself. It takes courage to lead your family well.

If you lack courage today, I want to remind you that God is the source of our courage. He promises to never leave us or forsake us. He promises that all things will work out for good for those that love him. When times are uncertain, when direction is unclear, when fear is creeping into the corners of your mind, take courage. God is on your side. I don't know what you need courage for today but I'll leave you with these words from Moses. Speaking to a younger leader who no doubt was fearful about the future without a mentor to continue guiding him Moses says to Joshua,

“Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. 8 Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” - Deuteronomy 31:7-8