Realizing God's Grace While Navigating Depression in Ministry

As Chapter 18 of I Kings ends, Elijah, along with the rest of the nation of Israel gathered on top of mount Carmel had just witnessed the power of Almighty God. In a tremendous display of God’s power and authority, He answers Elijah’s prayer to show the pagan Baal followers who was the true God of Israel. Fire falls from heaven and consumes the altar that Elijah had just drenched with water. The fire consumed everything it touched. The nation witnessed beyond a shadow of a doubt who was God in Israel. Elijah gathers up all the prophets of Baal and carries them down to the brook Kishon and has them all killed. He prays for rain and after 3.5 years of no rain at all, God answers that prayer too. Lastly, as chapter 18 closes, we see God’s hand one more time on the life of Elijah. God gives Elijah some sort of superhuman speed and endurance. Elijah picked up his robes, tucked them into his belt, and outran a horse drawn chariot back to Jezreel which many people think was between 17-30 miles. He ran a marathon…miraculously. However, as chapter 19 of I Kings opens, we find Elijah distraught and slipping into depression: 

I Kings 19:1-4

Now Ahab told Jezebel (the wicked rulers of Israel) all that Elijah had done, and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me and even more, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time.” 3 And he was afraid and arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. 4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.”

Within a matter of days Elijah goes from one of the highest points in his life to one of the lowest points. It begs the question…WHAT HAPPENED? What happened to you Elijah that brought you to this place of depression after God showed up in your life in such a big way? And what was God’s response to Elijah’s attitude and Elijah’s request to be done with it all? Maybe not what you would expect. God never once in this passage that I can find ridiculed Elijah or got frustrated with Elijah. He never once was disappointed in Elijah or punished Elijah for feeling this way. It was quite the opposite. God provided grace (unmerited favor, showing goodness to us when we don’t deserve it) to Elijah in this spiritual valley that he found himself in because God gives grace to his suffering servants.  

It is hard sometimes when we read the Bible to relate to people like Elijah We forget they were human just like us. Just because God used them in some powerful ways doesn’t mean they were not human. God still uses people in powerful ways today. Now, I don’t think anyone has called down fire from heaven recently or raised a widow’s son from the dead, but Elijah didn’t do that either. God did it through Elijah. There is a distinct difference. Elijah was just an obedient servant to the King of Kings and God used him to make an impact on the nation of Israel. But make no mistake, Elijah was prone to the same exhaustion, the same fears, and the same frustrations that we are at times. I believe Elijah has actually slipped into a depression here. I think there are some clues in these first few verses:

1.  He was filled fear - vs.3 - he was afraid and arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba.

2. He isolated himself from others – vs. 3 and 4 - came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. 4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness.

3. He had irrational thoughts – vs. 4 - came and sat down under a juniper tree; and he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take my life

4. He had feelings of inadequacy – vs. 4 - for I am not better than my fathers

5. He was physically exhausted with no motivation – vs. 5 – And he lay down and slept under a broom tree

Have you ever found yourself in this situation? I have. When you get depressed or you find yourself in a period of intense grief or suffering, your faith feels tiny and your mind starts to play games with you. You start questioning your purpose and your existence. And if we are extremely honest with ourselves, we even begin to question God. Why did this happen? Why did you allow this to occur? Why did you not prevent this from happening? Where are you now? Why do I not feel your presence?

So why do we find Elijah in a state of depression here as chapter 19 opens? I think a few reasons. Number one, I think some of it is a spiritual attack on Elijah. Deep spiritual lows always seem to follow high spiritual highs. That is where I found myself in between my car accident in 2010 and the death of my parents in 2011. There were many times I was on a spiritual high. God was speaking and working in my life and I was seeing my own life and the lives of others changed. But in the midst of that came intense periods of spiritual attack. I lived in a state of fear most days. I had panic attacks in the middle of the night. I had thoughts of suicide that came out of nowhere. I had a close friend that was on this journey with me and he called me one day and told me he had been having the same thoughts. Thank God for his honesty because it allowed us to triangulate where this was all coming from and we began to pray intently for each other. I think Elijah was potentially under spiritual attack here.

The second reason I think Elijah was depressed here is because he had some unmet expectations. Yes, God showed up big on Mt. Carmel, but I’m not sure everything played out in the end like Elijah expected. He had called the nation to spiritual renewal. Remember his great sermon in verse 21 of chapter 18. “How long are you going to waiver between two opinions? If the Lord is God follow him but if Baal is god follow him” I think Elijah was expecting some sort of revival and in reality, there should have been. God showed up, the prophets of Baal were killed, and there should have been a national revival. But I don’t see that in the text. The people said, “Yep, the Lord is God” and seemingly went back to their homes and kept living like they were living. There was no exponential impact made on the lives of the people of Israel here that we can see. Elijah as a result is feeling very put out. 

Maybe a little pride crept in. “I’m working myself to death out here for God and there seems to be no progress. Ever feel that way? I think we have all felt that way occasionally. I felt that way after I lost my parents. “God you have been doing this amazing work in my life over the last year or more and now this?” “What are you doing God?” “Why me?” All of these questions begin to overwhelm your thinking and it can drive you to a state of confusion and ultimately depression if you are not able to get a handle on it. I think this is where we find Elijah here in chapter 19. But God meets Elijah in this place and rather than punish Elijah for feeling this way He pours out His grace on Elijah. God does the same thing for us in periods of depression or suffering. He shows us grace in several ways:

He allows us time to rest and recover

I Kings 19:5-95

Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, “Get up and eat!” 6 He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water! So he ate and drank and lay down again.7 Then the angel of the Lord came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.” 8 So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai, the mountain of God. 9 There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.

Notice God not only allows Elijah time to rest, he comes and ministers to him in his time of need through an angel. He doesn’t criticize Elijah. He is not disappointed in Elijah. He just graciously comes along side of Elijah and allows him the time that he needs to recover. God made us. He knows our limits. He knows our capacity. He knows our weaknesses. He knows that the human body needs rest and recovery occasionally. Doing God’s work can take a toll on us at times. Proper times of rest and recovery are needed to regain our strength. God is not a cruel taskmaster. Quite the opposite. Remember that God is the one who created the sabbath. He wants us to sabbath. He is gracious to allow us time to rest and recover when we are physically and mentally exhausted. 

He encourages us to reflect on and remember His promises

I love this next section of the passage because it parallels with a similar account of Moses on Mt. Horeb in Exodus 33. Moses in his frustration cries out to God

Exodus 33:12, 13, 17, 18

You have told me, ‘I know you by name, and I look favorably on you.’ 13 If it is true that you look favorably on me, let me know your ways so I may understand you more fully and continue to enjoy your favor. And remember that this nation is your very own people.”

17 The Lord replied to Moses, “I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name.”18 Moses responded, “Then show me your glorious presence.”

Then God puts Moses in a cleft of the rock on the mountain and his glory passes before Moses and Moses sees the glory of God. Moses is reminded in this moment of God’s power, His glory, His compassion. He is reminded that God is a personal God that loves to interact with His creation. This is where we find Elijah here I Kings. Elijah is on the same mountain. Maybe even in the same place. We don’t know why Elijah went to Horeb. Maybe God led him there. Maybe he wanted to go there himself to reflect. Maybe both happened. Regardless, Elijah would have known about Moses on this mountain. The mountain was known as “the mountain of God.” And sure enough, God meets Elijah in this place in the same way that He met Moses and in a dramatic display once again of His glory and power, He reminds Elijah of who He is. 

I Kings 19:9-13

But the Lord said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 10 Elijah replied, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.” 11 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

I love this. Put yourself in Elijah’s shoes for a second. God has just told you to stand before Him on the mountain. A few minutes later a massive windstorm hits the mountain. The wind was so bad it says the rocks were torn loose from the mountain. When that stopped an earthquake rattled the mountain. After the earthquake, fire. It says the Lord was not in any of these. He was in the quiet. God was in the gentle whisper. Why did God put on this theatrical display for Elijah? I think it was to make Elijah reflect and remember on who God really was. Yes, God is a God of power. He can destroy things with fire and wind. Elijah saw that personally on Mt. Carmel. He can put on amazing displays of miracles and speak anything into or out of existence. He is God and if He chooses to act in that way He can. Yet more often than not, we find God in the quiet. In the gentle whispers when we are still.

We expect in all the craziness of our lives that God is going to shoot a lightning bolt out of heaven and interrupt our day and say “Hey, remember me?” But that is not how God works. God wants our hearts. He wants to commune with us and spend time with us in the quiet. He is always there with us even when we don’t think He is. He is all powerful, He is all knowing, but he is also everywhere present. We forget that in the craziness of our lives at times. Sometimes we need to go back to the mountain of God and humble ourselves in quietness and solitude and just reflect on who God is and remember His promises.

God pushes us to refocus on His purpose for our life

God is far too gracious to allow us to wallow in our grief, our depression, or our suffering. Jesus said that He came “to bring life and life more abundantly.” We are not living our best life in these periods of suffering and depression and who would God be if He allowed us to stay in these circumstances? God graciously pushes us to refocus on His purpose for our life so we can live our best lives to His glory.

Let’s look back at our text again. In verses 13 and 14, God again asks Elijah what he is doing at Mt. Horeb. By the way, God already knows why Elijah is there. He is God. He is just once again graciously allowing Elijah to voice is frustrations. Elijah repeats his case to God telling God he feels like a loner. He is the only one doing anything for the Kingdom and he’s frustrated about it. Once again, God in His grace never rebukes Elijah. He just gently shifts his focus back to the plan that God had for Elijah’s life. 

I Kings 19:15-18

15 Then the Lord told him, “Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram. 16 Then anoint Jehu grandson of Nimshi to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet. 17 Anyone who escapes from Hazael will be killed by Jehu, and those who escape Jehu will be killed by Elisha! 18 Yet I will preserve 7,000 others in Israel who have never bowed down to Baal or kissed him!”

I missed it the first few times I read through this, but God tells Elijah here to “go back the same way you came.” The way I take it, God is again pouring out His grace on Elijah and even as He is giving new direction and new tasks to Elijah in this moment, He is still graciously allowing Elijah to rest and clear his head. Remember it took 40 days for Elijah to get to Horeb. Now God is telling him to go anoint two new kings and a new prophet to replace himself and he doesn’t say, “Do it tomorrow,” or “Have it done by next week.” He says, “Go back the way you came Elijah.” Translated, “Get your mind right for the task I have laid out for you.” Another big part of Elijah’s task was to reproduce himself in Elisha. He was to disciple Elisha and pour into his life. We are called to do the same. We are to be disciples who make disciples.

Like Elijah and the other prophets of the Old Testament, we are to be God’s mouthpiece in society. We are to live our lives in a way that points people to Jesus Christ. But living the Christian life is hard! All of us because of our sin and our human frailty are prone to stumble and fall occasionally. We find ourselves exhausted and run down from trying to be who Christ wants us to be while at the same time battling against our sin nature. Paul describes the struggle in

Romans 7:21-25

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.

I don’t know your specific circumstance as you are reading this, but I do know this: we are all sons of Adam or daughters of Eve and we all struggle from time to time. I want to remind you today that God loves you. He still knows your name. He still has a plan for your life. No matter how bad you think it is right now, God’s grace is sufficient to meet your need. Rest in His grace. Reflect on the promises He gives us in His word and then get refocused on living the abundant life that Christ has called you to.

Maybe you are reading this and find yourself suffering like Elijah, but you do not have a relationship with God. Maybe you have felt all along that you just had to battle through these things on your own. That is not the case. God loves immensely. In fact, He loves you so much that He sent His son Jesus to die for you. Jesus took all of our sin and shame on himself when he died on the cross of Calvary. He rose from the dead three days later with the keys to sin and death in His hand claiming victory over the grave. The only hope you have of living victoriously day to day is Jesus Christ. If you would like to enter into a relationship with Jesus Christ, simply ask God to forgive you of your sins, claim him to be Lord over your life, and ask him to save your soul.

Romans 10:9-10

If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved.