Crisis and disaster are no respecters of persons. Doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor. Doesn’t matter if you follow Jesus or not. Disaster and crisis can happen to anyone. It shows up out of the blue and unannounced and your life is forever changed. Crisis comes into our lives in various forms. It could be in the form of death. But it could also be disease, financial loss, chronic pain, addiction, or something else completely. Regardless of what type of disaster it is, when it shows up in your life and marriage, it affects both husband and wife differently. It was this way with Job and his wife. Job’s response in the tragedy?
Job 1:20-22
20 Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. 21 He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” 22 In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.
Job’s wife’s response?
Job 2:8-9
… as he sat among the ashes. 9 His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.”
Personally, I have always thought what she said to Job was out of line and heartless. But I think if we just look at the situation through Mrs. Job’s eyes, we would have a little more compassion on her. It appears she was struggling with her own faith in God during this moment and just wanted the hurt to end. She also didn’t want to see her husband suffer anymore. Remember, she had lost 10 children also. All of her financial resources were gone as well. Her husband is physically ill and basically incapacitated. This husband of hers who was once revered and looked up in town is sitting in a pile of ashes covered in boils. She has also had the judgmental eyes of people in town wondering what they must have done for God to allow this to happen to them. Her comments, though misdirected, are born out of extreme grief and suffering. We see very clearly in this exchange that Job and his wife processed this disaster in very different ways.
It is natural for a husband and a wife to processes grief and suffering in different ways. They are not only two different people; they also have different physical and emotional makeups and two different personalities. But we don’t hurt alone in a marriage. When we hurt alone in marriage, we open our marriage up to the potential of being ripped apart by the disaster rather than strengthened by it. We have to be united as one flesh in crises maybe more than any other time in our lives. So, how do we navigate crisis in our marriage and come out a stronger couple on the other side? First we have to...
Trust in God’s Character
What you believe about God before disaster strikes is going to have a direct impact on how you process through crisis when it happens. Job again is a good example of the need to understand God’s character and wisdom in a crisis. As the last messenger is standing before Job still out of breath from running to deliver the news about all of his children having perished, again we read that Job responds in this way…Job 1:21-22
20 Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. 21 He said, “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!” 22 In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.
Then, as if losing everything he had was not bad enough, Job is physically afflicted by boils all over his body. Now he is both emotionally and physically afflicted and we see again this exchange between Job and his wife in chapter 2 verse 10.
Job 2:8-10
8 Job scraped his skin with a piece of broken pottery as he sat among the ashes. 9 His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” 10 But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So, in all this, Job said nothing wrong.
These particular comments from Job in chapters 1 and 2 in regard to his suffering are some of Job’s finest moments. His initial response to the tragedy that has befallen him glorifies God and points to God’s goodness and God’s sovereignty. Yes, Job would walk through a darker valley soon after. He would do battle with grief and would lament the day he had been born but this day he was strong. His wife on the other hand was hurting and her comments were born out of her own pain and grief.
If you have ever experienced deep grief, you understand that grief comes in waves. Sometimes the waves of grief come by the day, sometimes they come by the hour. And as a husband and wife there are days when one is going to be in better shape than the other to deal with grief. We see this happening here with Job and his wife. And Job does something in this moment that you’ll miss if you’re not careful. It sounds harsh if you misread it but Job gives his wife some loving instruction here in her grief. He says, “Honey, you’re talking like a foolish woman.” To be clear, he did not say she WAS a foolish woman. He is lovingly reminding his wife of the character of God. He is saying, “sweetie, I know you are hurting and I know you know God better than that. There are a lot of foolish women out there that might say something like that, but that’s not you. You understand that God is the giver of all good things just like I do. And you also understand that God is sovereign over all things.” Job is encouraging his wife in this moment to trust God’s character through the pain. Yes, God is good and he’s just, and he’s loving and he’s given us so much but he also allows pain and suffering and even uses pain and suffering for his own glory. And we see in this moment as Job and his wife sit on the ash heap mourning their losses how Job gently points his wife back to the character of God.
It would be great if in our darkest hour God would just pull the curtain back and show us his plan and purpose in our suffering. But the reality is that we may never know or understand why God allows tragedies to happen but we have to trust his heart and we have to trust his character. As husband and wife in navigating tragedy, we have to encourage each other with the knowledge that God is all knowing, he is all powerful, and he is everywhere present. These are reminders that God is not unaware of our crisis but is actually with us IN the crisis and he’s powerful enough to see us through the crisis. We simply need to turn to the Scriptures for our comfort. God has revealed everything he deemed sufficient for us to know about him through the Bible and through his son Jesus. The whole of Scripture is a testament to the loving character of God. Merely looking at the life of Jesus and the sacrifice of Jesus ought to easily be enough for us to understand God’s character and the depth of love God has for us. The second thing we need to do when navigating crisis in our marriage to come out a stronger couple on the other side is…
Trust in God’s Providence
Providence by definition is God’s divine care. It speaks to his guidance and direction of all things in the universe to include you and I. If you’ve read the full book of Job, you know that God was testing Job. Not all disaster and crisis happen as a result of God testing someone. So, please never give that advise to someone in a crisis. We will never understand why God does what he does but in the case of Job, every generation that has followed Job and read his story has learned one thing from Job…that God alone is enough to sustain us in any situation.In testing Job, Satan told God that Job would turn his back on him if you just removed your hand of blessing but when God allowed Job to be tested, Job stood firm. He said that God alone was enough. In further testing Job, Satan told God that if Job’s health was taken away, he would turn his back on God. But when Job’s health was taken away, Job stood firm again. He said that God alone was enough. He trusted completely in God’s providence. In God’s divine care of him no matter what happened to him.
Job was also comforting his wife with his understanding of the providence and divine care of God. When his wife was at her absolute breaking point and wanted it all to end for herself and for Job, she says basically, “Job, enough is enough, I’m hurting and you’re hurting and the grief is overwhelming and we just need to tell God that enough is enough and maybe he’ll be gracious and end our suffering.” We just saw how Job pushed back here and lovingly pointed his wife towards God’s character. He also did something else here. In Job not turning his back on God, he is committed to walking with God through this crisis and is proclaiming that God is enough. He is also asking his wife to do the same. Job says to his wife, “we accepted so many blessings from God over the years, we need to accept that God has allowed this bad thing to enter our life as well.” What Job is telling his wife here in today’s vernacular is, “if God brought us to it, he’ll see us through it.” He’s enough. He has cared for us our entire lives and he’ll care for us through this crisis.
As New Testament believers on this side of the cross, today we have something that Job did not have. We have the Holy Spirit. God living in us, to comfort us through life’s deepest hurts. Paul says this is Romans 5 about facing trials…
In other words, we can trust in the providence or the divine care of God because he has taken up residence within us in the person of the Holy Spirit and he cares for us in divine ways in a crisis. The reason so many marriages fail when disaster strikes is that either the husband or wife or sometimes both internalize the grief and become so focused on themselves in the crisis that they drive a wedge in their marriage. Marriages are strongest when husband and wife both pursue God together. This is as true in the midst of crisis as it is when things are going well. God’s word tells us where two or three are gathered together, God is in the midst of them. Last I counted, a husband and a wife count as two. God is there in your crisis and he cares about you and you have to trust that God is enough. Lastly, to navigate crisis and come out stronger on the other side, we have to…
Just a small piece of advice as a take away here: whether you have ever endured a crisis or disaster in your life or not, please do not ever attempt to tell someone why they are having to endure a crisis. All it feels like to the person receiving the advice is like you’re shooting the wounded. You are not God and none of us have the right to speak for God into someone else’s crisis. Lovingly support them, pray for them, and point them to God for comfort and answers. He’s plenty capable of providing those for himself if he so chooses.
And if it wasn’t bad enough that Job had lost everything, he had including good health, now his friends have turned on him. You might say that Job was at rock bottom. Here is what he says to his friend Bildad in Job 19…
Ugh, it’s just heartbreaking hearing Job’s heart in these dark hours of his life…but you haven’t heard all of his heart. What is bolstering Job in the darkest hours of his grief is the promises of God. Just a few verses after he said those words to Bildad, Job makes this declaration….
Job knew in his very soul that he was going to spend eternity with his heavenly father. His faith was personal to him and it was unwavering. He says, I WILL see God! I WILL see him for myself! I WILL see him with my own eyes. There is more to life than just this life. I will see God face to face someday. This is our promise to cling to as well. John told us exactly the same thing in Revelation 22. He says that God WILL stand upon the earth again someday and we WILL see him for ourselves. John says in…
But we are not there yet. We still live and will continue to live in a very fallen world that is filled with sin and death. But we live with a promise from God. Paul says in…
These are the promises of God that we cling to in our marriages when disaster strikes. These are the words we use to encourage each other in our darkest hours. We have to trust that even when God is silent that he loves us immensely and he is working all things, even the most difficult, painful things together for His good (Rom. 8:28). And when we are in the darkest valley and have no clue what God is doing or why, like Job, we have to trust his heart. We have to trust in his character. We have to believe that he alone can sustain us and we have to lean on Him and him alone because there are going to be days when both you and your spouse are in the valley and you’re going to have to depend on God to carry you. And he will. Praying for you.
Job was also comforting his wife with his understanding of the providence and divine care of God. When his wife was at her absolute breaking point and wanted it all to end for herself and for Job, she says basically, “Job, enough is enough, I’m hurting and you’re hurting and the grief is overwhelming and we just need to tell God that enough is enough and maybe he’ll be gracious and end our suffering.” We just saw how Job pushed back here and lovingly pointed his wife towards God’s character. He also did something else here. In Job not turning his back on God, he is committed to walking with God through this crisis and is proclaiming that God is enough. He is also asking his wife to do the same. Job says to his wife, “we accepted so many blessings from God over the years, we need to accept that God has allowed this bad thing to enter our life as well.” What Job is telling his wife here in today’s vernacular is, “if God brought us to it, he’ll see us through it.” He’s enough. He has cared for us our entire lives and he’ll care for us through this crisis.
As New Testament believers on this side of the cross, today we have something that Job did not have. We have the Holy Spirit. God living in us, to comfort us through life’s deepest hurts. Paul says this is Romans 5 about facing trials…
Romans 5:3-5
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
In other words, we can trust in the providence or the divine care of God because he has taken up residence within us in the person of the Holy Spirit and he cares for us in divine ways in a crisis. The reason so many marriages fail when disaster strikes is that either the husband or wife or sometimes both internalize the grief and become so focused on themselves in the crisis that they drive a wedge in their marriage. Marriages are strongest when husband and wife both pursue God together. This is as true in the midst of crisis as it is when things are going well. God’s word tells us where two or three are gathered together, God is in the midst of them. Last I counted, a husband and a wife count as two. God is there in your crisis and he cares about you and you have to trust that God is enough. Lastly, to navigate crisis and come out stronger on the other side, we have to…
Trust in God’s Promises
Soon after Job and his wife had a discussion about God’s character and his providence, Job had three friends show up to “console” him. If you know the story, you know that you don’t ever want friends like Job’s to ever attempt to console you. What follows in the next 24 chapters or so of the book of Job is a series of interactions between Job and his three friends where they attempt to tell Job why he is going through this crisis in his life. Their prognosis of Job’s predicament is that Job is guilty of something and God is punishing Job.Just a small piece of advice as a take away here: whether you have ever endured a crisis or disaster in your life or not, please do not ever attempt to tell someone why they are having to endure a crisis. All it feels like to the person receiving the advice is like you’re shooting the wounded. You are not God and none of us have the right to speak for God into someone else’s crisis. Lovingly support them, pray for them, and point them to God for comfort and answers. He’s plenty capable of providing those for himself if he so chooses.
And if it wasn’t bad enough that Job had lost everything, he had including good health, now his friends have turned on him. You might say that Job was at rock bottom. Here is what he says to his friend Bildad in Job 19…
Job 19:19-22
19 My close friends detest me. Those I loved have turned against me. 20 I have been reduced to skin and bones and have escaped death by the skin of my teeth. 21 “Have mercy on me, my friends, have mercy, for the hand of God has struck me. 22 Must you also persecute me, like God does? Haven’t you chewed me up enough?
Ugh, it’s just heartbreaking hearing Job’s heart in these dark hours of his life…but you haven’t heard all of his heart. What is bolstering Job in the darkest hours of his grief is the promises of God. Just a few verses after he said those words to Bildad, Job makes this declaration….
Job 19:25-27
25 “But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. 26 And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! 27 I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!
Job knew in his very soul that he was going to spend eternity with his heavenly father. His faith was personal to him and it was unwavering. He says, I WILL see God! I WILL see him for myself! I WILL see him with my own eyes. There is more to life than just this life. I will see God face to face someday. This is our promise to cling to as well. John told us exactly the same thing in Revelation 22. He says that God WILL stand upon the earth again someday and we WILL see him for ourselves. John says in…
Revelation 22:3-4
3 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”
But we are not there yet. We still live and will continue to live in a very fallen world that is filled with sin and death. But we live with a promise from God. Paul says in…
Romans 8:22-25
22 For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us. 24 We were given this hope when we were saved.
These are the promises of God that we cling to in our marriages when disaster strikes. These are the words we use to encourage each other in our darkest hours. We have to trust that even when God is silent that he loves us immensely and he is working all things, even the most difficult, painful things together for His good (Rom. 8:28). And when we are in the darkest valley and have no clue what God is doing or why, like Job, we have to trust his heart. We have to trust in his character. We have to believe that he alone can sustain us and we have to lean on Him and him alone because there are going to be days when both you and your spouse are in the valley and you’re going to have to depend on God to carry you. And he will. Praying for you.
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